Come to Alberta and "Dance In Our Tar."
We're not dressy here, just come as you are.
Until the pipeline is built and begins to leak,
No place in the world can equal our bituminous reek.
Endorsed by his eminence, the 'Oops" Texas gov,
Rick Perry's on record: "Feathers never fall off
No matter how much the pregnant women may sneeze or cough.
Alberta's the sticky tar that we Texans love."
There's nothing unusual about an open pit coal mine.
It lacks Alberta's slimy consistency and obnoxious smell.
Until your pipeline leaks and coats your midWest,
Tourists will still come to Alberta to wallow in Hell.
Not to worry. Yours will be nearly like ours, but it will take time
To clog all your aquifers and produce a landscape of slime
That will be a fun challenge for your Tarpedia agents
But to compete with us they'll have to swear off cements.
You'll have one partial advantage that may be a minor drawback:
Your warmer temperatures may augment the smell.
Depending, of course, on your marketing pitch.
If it's as "An All Season Hell", with no snow, you never can tell.
To 'Foreign Policy Labels Canada ‘A Rogue, Reckless Petrostate’'
To 'Lac-Mégantic families prepare for the worst'
To 'Texas Votes to Close Most Abortion Clinics’
To 'More Laughing At Texas in Rhymed Verse'
To 'More KXL Pipeline in Rhymed Verse'