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It's the kind of a tune that most sane people dread, The kind that repeats and repeats in your head: "Some beetles like hot, Some beetles like cold, But bugs in the ear Should be climate controlled." If it happens to you, please run, scream and shout And hope that the beetle song sings itself out. As a warning read on how it has come about: 'Twas most rare at the UN for most diplomats don't Twist their heads back and forth like they're casing the joint. Nor had this one before, so it wasn't a habit. So what was it like? Like a cornered jackrabbit, But expressing surprise and amazement, not fear, For it turned out this lady had bugs in her ear. Not some commonplace bug, but a specially bred beetle That makes itself known to the ear leetle by leetle. Secretive? Yes, so it rarely gets seen, Spending most of its time in one's ear and one's bean. How did she come by them? How'd they get there? Did they pick Betty Price for the style of her hair? It was quite prim and proper with a twirl slightly rakish, Bordering on being Veronica Lake-ish. But topping it all was the perfect hair color To hide beetles and gray – jet black, not pale yeller. Now Beetle-Ear Betty, as she came to be known, Had Top Beetle Access, an ear to the throne. There was rarely a secret Betty's beetles weren't told – The life span of Snow Jobs – which spins had grown old. Like her they were privy to Ducks-Run-Amok And the knee jerk reactions of the lamest Lame Duck. He was her Little Duckie. They both limped at times When not busy cov'ring for the Grump-A-Lump's crimes. She felt so essential, and you might've too, If you thought your noggin had a Beetle IQ. So Betty ignored that tune in her ear, The one that repeats, that most sane people fear: "Some beetles like hot, Some beetles like cold, But we wheedle best When climate controlled." You know she never bothered to run, scream and shout In hopes that those beetles would sing themselves out. She instead went on junkets at home and abroad Like those members of Congress whose ethics are flawed. But unlike those Dingbats hanging chads got elected, For the most part she so far's been quite well respected. Though, like them and her Duckie she gets little done, In her case an earful keeps her out of the sun. But how to explain her continuous frown? Is she facing a crisis? Won't her beetles back down? What makes them convinced that the world's full of loonys? Are they rooting for Ducks, Kurds, Shia or Sunnis? Even worse their allegiance has been called into question Because what they did was to make a suggestion That their ranks be augmented by a scarab or two. "Unpatriotic! What the heck's wrong with you?" What's wrong was that Betty housed the wrong kind of beetle. Duckie's stem cells for beetles were too late and too leetle! Her beetles weren't bred to assist a Lame Duck So the fate of his surge could depend on bug luck. Would her beetles warn Qaeda of a Grump-A-Lump visit? For suicide bombers what could be more exquisite? Think! Just because Ducky cut back stem cell research There might be no need for a Grump-A-Lump search! Some beetles thrive at one hundred degrees But are fearful, indeed, of a Kim Jung Il freeze. Poor Beetle-Ear Betty's were that earlier strain Which did not augur well for the Duck Amok reign. How ironic if beetle genetics have stalled While Ducky has climate change cautions blackballed. With no beetles assisting extremists like Ducky, Could the Axis of Evil have gotten that lucky? "Some beetles like hot, Some beetles like cold, But Beetle-Ear Betty's Aren't climate controlled."
Original Verse by Dr. Seuss To 'Bushie's Condi' |