Frugal Old Mac Dougall

Archibald Mac Dougall-Atwell,
    D.D.S., M.D.
Was known to his first wife
    as Dr. “Don’t Spend Money, Dear” –
As Dr. “Don’t Spend Money, Dearest”
    to his next as well;
As “Frugal Old Mac Dougall”
    to his former clientele.

Some say they still would use him,
    but the thing that turned them off
Was reused tongue-depressors
    from another patient’s cough.
Mind you though that none of them
    would ever swear they’d seen it;
But after each said “Aaagh...”,
    he’d always wipe it off and clean it.

Of course his reputation made them
    all assume the worst,
And unwilling to say “Aaagh...”
    when not sure their cough was first.
Tis sad they didn’t realize
    his second-hand depressors
Would never see the light of day
    as “share-the-cough” transgressors.

Though as an avid gardener,
    who would save where he was able,
Who used each used depressor
    in his garden as a label,
He desperately needed lots more
    patients with a cough.
It takes less than a month
    for tongue-depressors to rot off!

Copyright © 1988 – Bob Carlson
www.carlsonsgardens.com