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Hey, let's get together, Honey, Just to see If we two can rustle up An old TV, One that FEMa can't turn off, Perfect For their Mister Mike Chertoff. Then we'll sign him up with Nielsen So he'll note When New Orleans needs another rescue boat. At last Maybe he'll see CNN Reality TV.
Music & Original Lyric by Junie McCree To 'Co-conspirators - FEMA' |
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Any time you're feeling horny, Pick up the phone; he's horny too. Remind Bush you're thinking of him And appreciate him thinking of you. Any time you're too damn busy And his heavy breathing is bothering you, That's the time to ask him is he, Or out of better things to do. Any time you feel like talking, But are tired of you know who, That's the time to ask if stalking Really is what it's cracked up to. Any time you feel like quitting, That's the time to ask him if he Would please stick to his knitting Mittens for an angry Iraqi. ––– Interlude ––– Any time that his eavesdropping Becomes way too erotic for you, That's no time to question stopping. He'll quickly jail an unpatriotic you. Any time you feel downhearted, Ask him why he started his Waterloo. That's the time he always hangs up And forgets he ever heard from you.
Music & Original Lyric by Happy Lawson |
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Are you fearful enough? Have we scared you enough? Aren't our messcapades state of the art? Have we made you afraid Of an Osama raid And alarmed that you'll be blown apart? When you think of the Congress, aren't you filled with despair? When you think of the White House, aren't you thrilled that I'm there? When your heart's filled with fear, Knowing I have no peer, And no feel for pain, What a comfort to know I'll hang tough!
Music by Lou Handman |
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What to do when they say they hate you, And you need to count upon the F. B. I.? Millions of bucks have been squandered As they've tried to find whose dough was laundered. "We hate you" was a clue to too few In J. Edgar's F. B. I. Was it you who knew Those who hate Bush and crew Love the G-man's lullaby? * The New York Times - 6/10/05 "Report Details F.B.I.'s Failure on 2 Highjackers"
Music & Original Lyric by Billy Mayhew |
Fifty-nine million were for him. Fifty-six million were not. In the rest of the world many millions of billions Can't believe we've still got what we've got. What we've got got us into this quagmire With no plan for getting us out. Insurgents aren't losing; no way are we winning Despite what Bush bandys about. When attacks go from twenty to one fifty a day, Only Bush would dare say things are going his way – More attacks, more insurgents with each neocon goof; Now with more Condoleezza, pray that you're bulletproof. Bob Carlson |
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I was a stranger in this city – Boondoggled Texans was who I knew – And more than just a little bitty At a loss what I'm supposed to do. It's horrid when you haven't got a clue – But as I read about those duckies on my own, They ran a test of my testosterone. I pray you'll stay. Don't turn me down. As you may know They bombed this town. We had no warning, No smoke alarm. We didn't forsee 'em And lost the farm. Too long I pondered, After the blast, If Scalia's miracle Had been surpassed. Then finally We found you there Where you're safely hunkered down Despite insurgents ev-'ry-where. Some may wonder Why you'd leave A place like Baghdad – What's up your sleeve? But suddenly One's luck runs out, And the world's most thankless job Becomes by far the safer route. * N.Y Times - 2/18/05 "Bush Picks Longtime Diplomat for New Top Intelligence Job"
Music by George Gershwin |
Bush contol insurgents? Isn't that a laugh! He can't control his Congress. That could be his epitaph. Intelligence reform it seems Can not be carried out Until Bush Junior demonstrates The clout to smoke insurgents out. So when will Rove approve the plan To skirt around their flank, Blindfolding Wolfowitz and Rummy, Forcing them to walk the plank? Postscript: Bush steamrolled his pals in Congress Watch them make him pay the price. What will they impose as penance? Goodbye to next term's shoes and rice. Bob Carlson |
Bonnie and Clyde could rob Citibank – And the FBI? Nary a clue. They consider John Dillinger blankety-blank and Baby Face Nelson a band to dance to. They can't download music to their newest computers. Their connections are too slow at work. The millions they've blown on their networking tutors? Another Kozlowski and Kenny Boy perk. But aren't we the ones who've been footing their bills? So why shouldn't we have a say, Like where is the guy Bush told us would try to get them some help from his new CIA? His new CIA relies mostly on iPods, which the FBI thought of as toys After seeing Feith's brief that expressed his belief that iPods would make too much noise. Inter-agency link? Who bothers to think now that iPods have learned how to shuffle? The name of the game and their claim to fame rests on being advised how to muffle. Bob Carlson |
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Who will be Bush's new Mr. Magoo? Who'll oversee national intelligence? A neocon neophyte who'll again ballhoo propaganda as bonafide evidence? Will he be a czar with diverse morning lines all subject to interpretation By Mr. Magoos with their own bones to chew in the Bush-again administration? Whose math isn't fuzzy, but downright misleading, and deliberately miscalculated, Whose Medicare costs for ten years include the first years when it's not activated, Whose Social Security conversion costs won't kick in till two thousand and nine, But whose ten year projections are from two thousand and six to soft pedal the Bush bottom line. Bush's war in Iraq "will be paid for by oil" at "no cost" to us U.S. taxpayers – So who's idiotic and unpatriotic, Bush Magoos or observant naysayers? * NY Times - 2/10/05 Editorial - "When Math Is Worse Than Fuzzy" Bob Carlson |
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Gotta cut his long vacation short – Hates to use the word but he must 'abort' – Calling for his help? It's a last resort – Can't believe he's back in town. Couldn't stop the looting in Baghdad – Why'd he think New Orleans wouldn't be as bad? To have to count on Junior is incredibly sad – Can't believe he's back in town. You can tell those who loot That he claims he'll give a hoot, And ask somebody else to shoot As soon as he is out-of-town. Gotta show us all who's in command, Wishes he knew how to lend a helping hand. But once again things haven't gone as planned. Can't believe he's back in town.
Music by Harry Warren |
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Oh, how they're anxious to pocket their profits. Who cares if thousands could end up dead? Their bottom line could be hurt By the cost of a red alert. Ante up, Or be blown up? Which will foul up their bonus? That's why they're lobbying Bush and the Congress With payoffs so large they could end up in the red. But the cruelest blow of all Is when golden parachutes fall As they find out they must reimburse the dead. * The New York Times - 7/8/05 "Protections for the United States…"
Music & Original Lyric by Irving Berlin To 'Policies - Greed' To 'Terrorists' |
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Are they that rich? Or on the take? Dressing each beautiful lady, for heaven's sake? Whose strap will break? Who'll win the sheik? Oscar's in town? Is this his gown? Or merely a fake? Not just the gowns. It's that time of year. Unless he's in drag, no one will care if he is here. A Bush gays will cheer? What does he fear? DNA on his gown? A rail-ride out of town? Well, maybe next year. What will they show? More bosom some fear, Risking rebukes from the don't-let-them-see overseer, A libidinous leer? Powell, Jr., the dear, With FCC clowns Watching the gowns? The Taliban's here.
Music & Original Lyric by Stephen Sondheim |
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Congress cries salty tears, "Where have we been all these years? Pentagon – Little Don – How long have we let this go on? "First The Post; then The Times – That's how we uncover Rummy's crimes. First makes wise; then makes spies – How long can we let this go on? "This pat hand that we are being dealt Borders on the absurd. Now we know how Wendell Willkie felt Watching FDR win his third. "Nine eleven come and goes – Boykin now decides who knows? Watch your butt; this guys a nut. This is just his latest con – How can we let this 'stuff' go on?"
Music by George Gershwin |
Prince Harry wore his Nazi shirt which bought him lots of trouble. Prince Junior wears his ski mask each time he leaves his bubble. He figures that he's safer if he looks like an insurgent, Though Laura says they'll smell him out: he reeks of stong detergent. Attempts to expiate his sins – his goal is to come clean – Have failed so far. Insurgents claim the answer's gasoline. But Junior asks that Rapture waits until his term expires. Republicans in heaven aren't the help that he requires, For Democrats in Congress, that they'll have left behind, When asked if they'll support his scams, may not be so inclined. Bob Carlson |
Elephants think they can fly? Are bungee cords that strong? Listen for that loud kersplat!!! The last note of their swan song. Consider Junior's "9/11," How long he's made that last, Antagonizing terrorists, The "mandate" he's amassed. As long as he can keep that up And keep his voters scared, The longer he can stay in power No matter how he's erred. To wage his wars, he's selling out To both Japan and China. The bank that holds your mortgage Won't be based in Carolina. The value of our dollar Under Bush has trouble flying. He broke another bungee cord? Good-bye to what our dollar's buying. Bob Carlson |
You're expecting George Bush to protect you? You're expecting the sky to fall? You're expecting the troops that Bush sent to Iraq To have what they need for a brawl? But he can't, and it won't, and they certainly don't. They are woefully under-equipped: Unarmored humvees; inadequate vests; Despite what Bush claims they've been gypped. Gypped by his lack of detailed preparation – Gypped by decisions to go it alone – Gypped by the contractors Rummy outsourced to – Gypped by his cutting all costs to the bone. Missing a finger, an arm or a leg; So many so horribly maimed. Has Bush shown remorse? You're kidding, of course not – Nor shown he's the least bit ashamed. You're expecting George Bush to protect you? He, who sent troops to war unprepared? You're expecting Osama to be seeking a truce? If I were expecting, I'd expect to be scared. Bob Carlson |
Rudy Giuliani? A hero to the world? But not for many months before to most of those he served. Autocrat and demigod! Tyranny unfurled! Sounds like someone else the world has since that time observed. Though no one has suggested that their DNA's might match, Could be that both are on parole from Hitler's booby hatch. They both require obeisance from their loyal sycophants So anyone who disagrees won't stand a fighting chance. To date they've both claimed ignorance of Kerik and Osama; Ignorance like thinking grins make up for lack of armor. While neither "hero" was prepared to stop a 9/11, Their fame since then has been Osama's gift to them from heaven. Bob Carlson |
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Brownie, How I love you, How I love you, My head of FEMA. You've done a heck of a job – Just don't go near the angry mob. They're hungry, Waiting for help, Praying for help Down in New Orleans. You've been, oh, so slow to respond We're darn pleased with who you've conned. Brownie, Brownie, I've a medal for you, Brownie. Dummy, Dummy, You should be feeling at home.
Music by George Gershwin |
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Freedom's just another word for Junior Bush to use, But nothin' don't mean nothin' if we lose The freedom to say anything 'bout anything we choose, Scorning bogus syllogisms he's used to confuse. All terrorists are tyrants very much opposed to freedom. Saddam, the tyrant, obviously hated freedom, too. That makes Saddam a terrorist – in Junior Bush's book – Whose downfall is a vict'ry for a freer me and you. Tyranny breeds terrorism, he'd have us all believe, But that's not all that Junior has got lurking up his sleeve. Terror's foe is freedom, so that's what he'll promote. Rove says fighting terror's sure to guarantee your vote. Curtailing civil liberties might seem patriotic, If that's the style of freedom that you choose. Otherwise the Bush agenda just seems idiotic To those of us preferring galas, bimbos, broads and booze.
Music & Original Lyric by Kris Kristofferson |
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Which candidate did Porter vote for? Would he prefer not to remember? It was quite a while ago, As long ago as last November. Did Goss goof and vote for Bush, Thinking we'd be more secure? When did he learn that Bush was shov'ling An awful lot of bull manure? Goss, who fronts the CIA, Now says Al Qaeda's on its way. Is the reason he's so worried That we were Bushed instead of Kerried? * Porter Goss - 2/16/05 testimony on Capitol Hill Bob Carlson |
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Yes, it's a sin, Yes, it's a crime, Failing to do what you knew Would make the world find you guilty Because of what you didn't do. We have been wrong In letting you Continue to lie like you do, Claiming you've never been guilty, Guilty for what we've been through. What can we do, What can we say, Now they've blown London apart? Who'll take the blame? Who'll walk away Claiming that they're losing heart? It has been years, You've known our fears, Still you have not done your part. George Walker Bush, you are guilty, Guilty till death do us part! * The New York Times - 7/8/05 "Subway and Bomb Blasts in London…"
Music by Harry Akst & Richard A. Whiting To 'Himself - Prevaricator' To 'Terrorists' |
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Head in the sand Down on his farm, Then just an aisle seat view. Some waters rise" What a surprise! Rove said, "They'll part for you." Grabbed "My Pet Goat" to Read on the boat to Victims who'll board two by two, Their blood on his hands, With hidden sidearms, And as like as not An "Adieu."
Music by Vincent Youmans To 'Domestic Disasters' |
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Do you feel safer now That Bushie's lost Iraq, Or do you disavow His ploy to piggyback The humbug he can foil the guys who like to liquidize On the British finding they can pulverize The planes that Bushie says Israelis will not bomb As long as he's the prez And still can grease the palm Of this nation's sacred cow Each time Islamists start a row?
Music by Cy Coleman |
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You're nobody till you've tried their mangos, And their swap has caught you unawares. They want atomic expertise to make more of their bombs, So how'll my swap for mangos rank among new Fox sitcoms? The Congress will bitch until they taste them. They'll say I gave 'way more than I should of, But while India's blowing Pakistan to hell and smithereens I'll be munching on the mangos that I love.
Music & Original Lyrics To 'Bushie's Security Policy' |
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Verse I work as a ventriloquist, Growl out of the side of my mouth. I not only look evil, I'm pissed At what the North did to the South. I make sure my dummy preaches That oil companies need lots more dough, So each war we make features HumVee drivers with gas dough to blow. Refrain Nonsense? No chance. Why won't folks back us? His silly grin or my frown? Nonsense? No chance. Who'd dare attack us While Bushie has me aroun'? Anytime I hear crumb bums Complain that we've stepped on their toes, My pacemaker nearly succombs And I need a quick change of clothes. Why do some think It was ground zero That gave our genius a chance? All that it took was Scalia And a timely Diebold happenstance.
Music by Richard Rodgers To 'Bushie's Security Policy' To 'Bushie's Voting Ploys' |
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Heh, heh, heh, Who'd you like us to wiretap? Heh, heh, heh, Someone giving you a pain? Heh, heh, heh, Criticized something or other? Gee, your spouses mother? NSA'll take care of that. Heh, heh, heh, Someone you'd like us to eavesdrop? Heh, heh, heh, Noisy cell phone on the train? Heh, heh, heh, Likes to bully Baby Brother? Really? the Queen Mother? NSA is good at that. It's a very special service That we offer, No muss, no fuss. And no reason to be nervous Just as long as You're with us. Heh, heh, heh, You want somebody spied upon? Heh, heh, heh, Like your former ball and chain? Heh, heh, heh, Taking up with your kid brother? But still can't stand your mother? NSA's aware of that.
Music by Sammy Fain |
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He's such a dunderhead – Endless spieling, thousands dead So he might Please his right. When you and I complain, "Enemies gain free rein," Want less of Bushie's love. A rumor starts their run for cover – Cheney's where? Leaving Channel One to discover No one's there. So they say there's no more Need to stay and mind the store – What's not To love?
Music by Richard Rodgers To 'Bushie's Security Policy' |
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We'd rebuild New Orleans, But won't have the means – My tax cuts will interfere. Although it's not fair, The rich are who I care for – They're there for me every year. While the media whines About the gas lines My policies helped to bring, They soon will see I can't stop the Mississippi From making a new bathtub ring. To rebuild New Orleans When I've wasted the means, Is not for the faint of heart. Of whom am I fonder? I'd much rather squander More on white people of means.
Music by Louis Alter To 'Domestic Disasters' |
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His "hot little hands" don't have a clue About who'll try to blow up who, Who they are, or how many – I bet that's worth a pretty penny. How many billions? Glad you asked, But will the truth then be unmasked? Bush requested eighty-two, Yet neither knows who'll blow up who. Or more precisely, it's safe to assume, Neither one knows who'll blow up whom. As a matter of fact they may never know How long a row they've started to hoe. But with eighty-two bills some say it will show How much you can blow on how little you know. Plus history books will have shown they own The legacy of the rows they've hoen. * Rummy - 2/16/05 Testimony before House Armed Services Committee Bob Carlson To 'Co-conspirators - Rummy' To 'Policies - Deficits' |
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It seems perverse to have to reimburse Places like Wyoming. This Cheney hoax of course provokes Most folks not into catacombing. Though that's his aim It's such a shame to waste the pork. Why can't he hide in Subways in New York? Security, Security, That misdirected Bushie thing, Security. It should have Congress sweatin' Where terrorists will threaten, And therefore who'll be gettin' Security, And proving that the question is not About how many votes can be bought, And who they'll screw with diddley squat, But how to get Bush off of the pot In time to see Security Is not as big a problem in Nome As it is much closer to home. But no, While Cheney flees Bush bats the breeze – Security's for Bushies!
Music by Burton Lane To 'Co-conspirators - Cheney' To 'Co-conspirators - Congress' |
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We knew a little bit about a lot of things, But didn't know enough to help you. We never watch TV And so we didn't see The Convention Center hullaballoo. You know we'll soon produce Another lame excuse For hanging loose the way we're told to. No way could we begin Before George Bush flew in To try to get a photo op with you. Hold your tirades. We'll get it done, But isn't it a shame – Had he been around, Cheney would have claimed Osama was the one to blame. You know Bush has a rule, We blame a diff'rent fool, Who didn't have a damn thing to do With what we didn't know And what we never did Until it was too late to help you.
Music by Dave Barbour To 'Co-conspirators - FEMA' |
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If their plannin' Means the bannin' Of CO2, Habit formin' Global warmin' Is gonna end, too. On the basis It repalces Arabian oil, Solar power's Brightest hours Will start to foil Their jihadist Avant-gardists From e-mailin' their pleas To keep mountin' Ads discountin' Employee SUVs. Where the coal is, There the goal is Sending Bush a pipe-bomb. A good deed? "It Could be he'll need it To keep himself warm." In the meantime Muslim free time Might be better spent On prayers, Not cross hairs With evil intent. For while the sun shines, No gas lines, No coal mines, Or Bush oily wars. * The New York Times - 7/8/05 "Bush addresses global warming…"
Music by Raymond B. Egan To 'Policies - Environment' To 'Terrorists' |
"TOM RIDGE SCARED!" "Will Move Abroad…" Why would you find those headlines odd? We only hope he's careful where he goes. If he stays here, he's got no chance. That color coded song and dance? Don't you suspect what Tom Ridge surely knows? Depending on his destination, which evil twin will find salvation by blowing our poor Tom to smithereens? Osama here? He had no prayer… Yet Junior's bombs will get him there… How scary to be fleeing those two fiends! He'd thought he'd try the Arctic Circle but fears some Halliburton jerk'll tell Bush that he needs to seize that oil. And knowing W's proclivities and former fraudulent activities, he'll do his best to skip that battle royal. Bob Carlson |
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We fear no foe for Bush says we've been blessed. That's why we go for Helping pre-oppressed Gays who can't marry; Blacks who can not vote; Cuban adversaries Who arrive by boat; Cheap foreign labor Needed on our farms, Plucking sick chickens When they won't bear arms; Muslims we've tortured At Guantanamo, Waiting to be ordered Out by Alito. Can't hide with me. Last call's not nationwide; Only skin deep and For the qualified. When bin Laden's helpers Blindside George and me, To hell with the helpless. We're the first to flee.
Music by William H. Monk To 'Bushie's Co-conspirator, Cheney' To 'Bushie's Security Policy' |
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Why doesn't Bush do What he's supposed to? He'd be renowned For having found That terrorist who, Is free to bomb me. And free to bomb you. Instead the cad, Went stark raving mad To protect CO2 For corporate fiends And fight the world's greens, Who don't dare cross Him as the boss. Meanwhile poor you, Like ev'ryone else They're free to kill, Suffer his faults And wish him ill, For he's made Iraq Their base of attack, A place to convene, And perfect their routine. Could that have made you Vulnerable, too? What he's done and won't do? * The New York Times - 7/8/05 "Subway and Bomb Blasts in London…"
Music by Isham Jones To 'Policies - Environment' To 'Policies - Greed' To 'Terrorists' |